Catholic.... a work in progress

So starting all of this, I didn't look at Catholicism as a lifestyle change, but as a Sunday job of trying to get 3 kids ready for church, to sit down, focus and for hopefully myself to hear something in the message that would relate to whatever it is was I was going through. Something I would relate too so I no longer felt alone, so that I knew someone, even way back when, had felt what I was feeling. Maybe even pick up some pointers for life along the way. It wasn't about reevaluating myself, it wasn't about changing my choices and having to rethink every word, every thought, every action I made, EVER. I didn't think confession would help me, I didn't think baptism would feel like something I NEEDED. I didn't know the Eucharist would be something fulfilling. Something to long for. I just thought I would go to church every Sunday, do my part and hopefully be a better role model and learn something, maybe make some new friends, but nothing life changing, nothing earth shattering, and definitely not something that would make me form a conscience that would be my own worst critic and best friend all at the same time.

I started the RCIA classes with what I thought was an open mind. I had certain ideas set for my life, set ways and what not. Ideals and practices. What I thought was a pretty good moral compass turned out to be completely off kilter. I don't know if being introduce to the Catholic faith earlier on in life would have impacted me as much as it has now, at almost 30, with 3 kids, and a life in constant turmoil. They say God has a way of bringing you to what you need, when you need it, not when you want it or on your time, but on HIS time. This is something I firmly now believe. Not so much before.

My life before starting this journey was self focused. Even though most of what I did I thought was for my kids, it still benefited me in some way, somehow. My goals were selfish, my thoughts weren't unique. They served a purpose, most likely mine, sometime others if I deemed necessary. My own thoughts kept me on a path that had me repeating the same mistakes over and over, with no change, no answering for my sins, no being absolved of my mistakes. I wasn't accountable for my actions to anyone but me. Ha, boy did I have a learning process to go through. A 9 month journey, much like giving birth to a new me, so don't let the 9 months fool you, the time frame reference is not lost on me at all. If at the end of the RCIA process you haven't had a major swing in some way, then I'm not sure you're listening. Even cradle Catholics that sat through the class as sponsors learned a thing or two from our crash course in Catholicism.

So I say this, do you need the change, feel like you're missing something? Is your life so self driven and self focused that you can't see past the end of your own nose? The Catholic way of life has shown me that giving is a much more gratifying option than seeing how much I can get. That forgiveness, no matter how hard, is of much more value than holding a grudge because your own feelings are hurt. That no matter how alone you feel here on earth, no matter how hard you struggle, that there is someone much more powerful that loves us no matter what we do, and that with His angels and saints, with His Holy Mother, we are much better off alone, than living a sinful life that pushes us to do things we wish we could bury.




"Dear Lord, Please don't let this journey end. Don't ever let me feel fulfilled enough to stop being a child of your faith. Guide my actions and my words. And let me be an example of your light and of your love so that you can touch lives through me. Let me be your hands and your feet dear Lord, to carry your message wherever I may go. Let them see you in me so that they can start their journey back to You, back home. In Jesus' name, we pray, Amen"

To look faith in the eye and say "Come here"...

Ever feel the struggle, the constant battle to be better than you currently are, to always be searching, to find and feel more love and hope and life than you have currently. I constantly added things, changed things, moved them, bought them, sold them, got married, had more kids, now separated and moving towards divorce. I made one bad decision after another, (except my kids were the best thing to ever happen to me) I was looking for something I had no clue I was looking for. Eventually I came to the conclusion I needed FAITH. I knew I needed it, I felt I needed it, I hungered for something much bigger than myself, I just couldn't incorporate it into my everyday life. I couldn't figure out how. Life was hard, still is. Battling at home on a daily basis. Trying to work towards a greater good but not being on the same path or even the same planet as my spouse. Taking inventory of myself and finding myself lacking time and time again. By no means is this journey over, by no means has it really even begun, but I've found more for my life in a few months, experienced more peace, more love, and more kindness from people who were strangers than I have ever before.

To take this journey into the Catholic Church has been something I never would have ever thought of. Not knowing a thing about the faith other than they had this lead guy called the Pope and they did the cool cross symbol on themselves A LOT! The Catholic faith was a foreign object, something seen around but not heard of, people who were said to be uber conservative and close minded, people who wanted nothing to do with the current issues and the current times. But I was desperate. My home life was horrible, it had become a warzone not a haven. My kids were feeling the effects of the long-term fighting, unrest had settled and I felt like it just couldn't get any worse. Boy did it ever. My mind kept hearing the words of my parents, "Kids need to be in church, they need to know the love of a church family." And so, as a last ditch effort to save my marriage and give my kids a better foundation, I went in search of a church for our family.

Nothing felt right, sermons were just words, nothing motivated, nothing stuck. I felt my family was excluded and not welcomed, I felt that no matter what denomination we tried, we were looked at like unwelcomed guests and our stays with these churches were short. Finally, there was a peace that came with the church I now attend. There was a room we could be in with the kids and not disrupt the service with a crier, but not feel excluded either. There were tons and tons of families, young and old. None of these people looked stuck up or hateful. They looked nice and friendly and we stayed.

Moving past the weeks and months, I fell in love with the Catholic faith. Though still feeling like an outsider at times because we clearly had no clue what we were doing. I found peace in the rituals and contentment in the prayers said. I found joy in hearing my daughter sign the songs from memory and knew that God was moving into our lives little by little at a pace that only He could know was right.

My concern became my kids, they weren't baptized, I desperately needed them baptized, I could feel it and so I started the push, not knowing how much my world would change or how much I needed the help. After meetings and talks, after prayer and advice of others, Zachary and Peyton were baptized into the Catholic faith. The first Catholics in my entire family were my two smallest children. After the rite I cried. There is a peace that comes with knowing your children have been adopted by God and that His mercy and grace will bless those little ones in ways that a parent could never do.

From the meetings I found that Kaleb could not be baptized yet, because he was over 7 (the age of reason) he had to go through 2 years of faith formation classes before he could do so (one class every two weeks). I signed him up. On the flip side, as an adult, I could take 6+ months (less than a year) of RCIA and get baptized (classes for me are every Sunday morning). And if I waited a year to start the class, when Kaleb would be in his second year of formation, then we could get baptized together. So I said, sign me up. For those of you who do not know what RCIA is, it is a crash course in the Catholic faith for adults. (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults)  As that first year chugged by at an alarmingly fast pace, I became fully aware of the decline in my marriage. (SN: the failing of my marriage plays a huge role in what motivates me and my life currently, hence why I add the details of it's state during that time) So, I enrolled in the classes, hoping to save my marriage and give my kids a sound foundation in faith.

This is my story of becoming Catholic...

To Be Continued....

Working to find the great good, the greater glory in God

Ahh many times we've made the attempt to be good Christians. We've talked about it, looked at it but never really accepted it into our lives. This time feels different. This time feels more real, more solid, like something that I can wrap my hand around and feel and hold close. Maybe it's the struggles we go through, maybes it's the past rearing it's ugly head, maybe it's the triumphs we have seen and felt, maybe it's just the right time. No matter the cause, I feel dedication. I feel an invisible push to be better, to do better, to do right, not for my own cause, but because if feels like God wants me in this direction. Maybe I'm finding comfort in our Sundays at church, maybe I feel like I'm back home after a long rocky leave of absence. Maybe I'm growing up and willing to accept life in a different structure than I was before. Maybe I want my children to have the same church memories I have and I want them to have the faith and belief that God is in all things. I'm not really sure. I search my soul and some days I'm a mess, other's I'm feel strong and on point. Each day is different. Each hour is changing, each minute brings me closer to God.

My Mamaw has been on my mind, I know she's watching over us, she shes my shortcomings, my struggles and she loves me anyways. I know God is with her, keeping her safe and now that she is not hindered by her earthly body she's happier now. I know she would be proud of the direction I am trying to take. My children's baptism would mean the world to her. I miss her.

Blogging may help, but I want to track this journey, I want to make moments on paper that my kids can ready for themselves later as I strive to be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend. I want to put their memories where they can read them later on. So here's to blogging, here's to life and love, and here's to family and the greater glory of God.


"Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven."

September 30th, 2001

September 30th has come and gone for the 9th time now. These past 9 years have been the best I have ever had. There has been so many changes (good & bad) in these past 9 years but the birth of my son in the early morning on September 30th, 2001 was one of the greatest moments in my life. I can't honestly believe he's 9. That makes me older too and I really don't feel any older or more mature but the changes I've watched in him are things I can't describe or have words give justice too. He is slowly changing into a young man, one that can do things on his own, knows his likes & dislikes & one that doesn't always need his mom anymore. As heartbreaking as it is for me to not be needed. I know I am succeeding as a mother because of the type of person he has become. They say children make your life fly by, I completely agree. I can not account for where these past 9 year flew too. They say don't blink because if you do, you're child will be grown, I believe it. So here are some things on Kaleb, the 9 year old!


He's in the 3rd grade
Loves football & baseball
No girlfriend (thank goodness)
Loves playing play station or being outside (great balance)
Got all As & 1 B on his last report card
He has completely adjusted to the 3rd grade
His teacher thinks he is an absolute gem (her words, not mine!)
Tested out reading at an almost 5th grade reading level
Excels in Math
Loves reading the Harry Potter books
Hates "melted tomatos" & stringy cheese

When he grows up he wants to play for the NFL or MLB but if those don't work out he wants to be a Marine.

Kaleb's Open House

Kaleb is starting a new school this year. He was very excited before school started. After the first week, his excitment kinda went dim, he felt like all the kids already had their friends and he said he missed his friends and his old school but I told him to keep his head up. He is very likable and such fun to be around that if he gave it some time I was sure the other kids in his class would love him too. This week we haven't had any 'moments' so I'm thankful. But Kaleb is finding the transition into the 3rd grade to be a tough one. This year they have 3 text books, homework everynight so far, and a lot more responsibility. He is responsible for writing down his homework in his planner, he is responsible for knowing what to do and ask questions before the end of he day. He has a homework planner he is required to write all assignments in, book reports that require him to read and write a full page report in 3 weeks, and he is really starting to see that school isn't the "cake walk" he has had up to this point. Needless to say our home has been a battle ground this week with trying to "preach" responsibility. Kaleb is a super smart kid. Tested really high on the accelerated reading book test and comprehension, can do math like I can eat pie, however, Kaleb is NOT Mr. Responsible.... haha (neither was I at this age, paybacks anyone?). Hopefully after the trials of this week he will proceed to be better at keeping his assignment book updated and correct....... I love being a mother, I think it's something I was meant to do in my life, but I tell you what, just keeping track of what my kids need on a day to day basis could be a full time job!



We had Kaleb's school open house last night. The school is smaller but everyone seems friendly and on track with what the kids need to do to be successful. I have had several interactions with his teacher via email and she is quick to respond which is wonderful. His teacher seems like she is a no non-sense kinda lady and that's what Kaleb needs, especially being in a class of 16, Yes SIXTEEN boys and 5 girls..... she has been teaching awhile and seems to have a great grasp of what is needed to keep the attention of kids at this age. I look forward to this school year with Kaleb & watching him adjust and grow and take a step towards becoming a responsible young man. He makes everyday an adventure and I love him sooo much!

Kaleb's Go-Kart & other fun!

Kaleb decided he wanted to do things he had never done before while on vacation, this included riding GO-Karts for the first time and jumping on this machine that let you fly up in the air using huge rubber bands, all while jumping on a trampoline. I have to admit it was not good for my heart at first but he had so much fun you couldn't help but smile when you heard him laughing as he flipped in the air.

Peyton's First trip to Build A Bear

While we were in Myrtle Beach I decided Peyton needed a "Myrtle" Bear to commemorate her first vacation. Thankfully she had her big brother's help but she was very interested in everything that was going on!

(she was shaking her head in the picture above, looks a little blurry!)